When I just arrived to Spain, I often felt lost in group conversations. At first, it seemed manageable, but suddenly everyone started talking at the same time. Voices overlapped, the volume went up, and I didn’t know who to focus on anymore. It felt chaotic, even stressful.

On the other hand, I found it a fascinating discovery. Why? Because it showed how different communication styles can be across cultures.

Figure 1. Factors Affecting Cross-cultural Collaboration (Source: Gibson, 2017, Bridge the Culture Gaps, Figure 7.4, p. 138).

Robert Gibson clearly illustrates three different ways in which you can have a conversation (Figure 1). In Duch, we usually wait for our turn (number 1). We listen for a pause, a small signal, or the end of a sentence. Sometimes we overlap slightly, but it’s clear who continues. In Spanish, on the other hand, overlap is natural (number 3). Talking at the same time shows engagement, not rudeness. And then there are cultures, like Japan, where people wait even longer before speaking (number 2). Silence is part of the conversation.

What feels respectful to one person may feel uncomfortable to another. That’s when I realised something crucial: communication is never just language.

That’s when I realised something crucial: communication is never just language

Communication is more than words

When we think of ‘communication’, most of us immediately picture words: the vocabulary we use, the sentences we build with them, the grammar we struggle with. My students often tell me they want to be “more fluent” and get frustrated when their sentence structure isn’t perfect. And yes, words matter.

But they are only part of the story. To understand how humans really connect, we also need to consider:

Together, those elements give meaning to words. Think about how you can convey this exact same sentence in two different ways. Which one would you prefer?

1️⃣ Said with a flat voice, straight face, eyes on the phone: Ok, let’s go to the park.
2️⃣ Said with more eye contact, smiling, upbeat tone: Ok, let’s go to the park.

The challenge of turn-taking

Think back to my experience at the beginning of this post. My struggle wasn’t about vocabulary or grammar; I didn’t even get that far! What felt difficult was knowing when to join in.

I tried non-verbal strategies: leaning forward, making eye contact, waiting for someone to hand me the turn. But it didn’t work. Later, a Spanish friend told me, “Just start speaking and don’t stop until you have the floor.” For a Dutch person like me, raised to never interrupt like that (remember Figure 1, number 1?), this went against everything I knew.

Still, I gave it a try when I was in a conversation that felt safe to me. The result? For a few seconds, two of us spoke at the same time, each carrying on with our own story. Were we even listening to each other? I for sure wasn't, as I was way too focused on finding the words and structures I needed to stay confident in this battle. It made me laugh a bit, but I was also proud that I dared to experiment.

Fluency is layered

So, when students tell me they want to do more conversation practice to become “more fluent”, I explain that fluency has layers:

Often, learners already do quite well paraverbally and non-verbally. Their intonation and pauses sound natural. Their gestures support their message. Even if their vocabulary is limited, their message is understood.

That's why focusing on all language skills is important. Take reading, for example. I remember trying to read sa Spanish guidebook aloud in Rome. My Spanish boyfriend didn't understand a word. Honestly, neither did I. 

Why?

Because I didn't know where the sentence was heading. I paused in the wrong places, stressed the wrong syllables, stumbled over new words. On paper, my Spanish looked "richer",  but when spoken aloud, it was a disaster.

Fluency is not about words alone. It’s about how you deliver them.

Why this matters for professionals

Whether you are a language learner or a professional in an international team, remember:

1. Communication has three layers

verbal (words), non-verbal (body), and paraverbal (voice). Real connection comes from the right balance of pauses, tone, eye contact, nods, and rhythm, as much as from words.

2. Every culture has different rules

Observe, ask, and stay curious. You don’t have to fully adapt to everything, but awareness helps you avoid frustration.

3. You can use strengths to balance weaknesses

Next time you feel uncertain about your language skills, try to shift your focus. Limited vocabulary? Use clear intonation and gestures. Shaky grammar? Speak with confidence and a steady rhythm.

Reference

Gibson, R. (2017). Bridge the culture gaps – A toolkit for effective collaboration in the diverse, global workplace [e-book]. Nicholas Brealey Publishing: London/Boston.