Why it’s not stupid to ask for the definition of words
A pause… or sarcasm?
A few years ago, I had a series of confusing text exchanges with my mother. Her messages often ended with three dots “…”, which I had always used to signal sarcasm or lack of interest. For me, when she texted “See you soon…” I felt like she was saying “Yeah, whatever” or something similar without much excitement.
So when one day she replied to my question “Do you want to go out for dinner tonight?” with “Yes, nice…”, I interpreted it as her politely saying yes but actually not being that interested. I decided to bring it up in our next call, and her answer changed the way I think about words in communication.
My mom used the dots in the same way she does in spoken language: as a pause, a moment to think. When she wrote “Yes, nice…”, she was already thinking about the next step. In her head, she was going over all the restaurants we might go to.
This tiny misunderstanding made me reflect. If even my own mother and I interpret the same sign differently, what does that mean when people communicate in another language?
The problem: we assume too quickly
We all view the world through our own set of glasses. These glasses are shaped by culture, background, friend groups, age, and even professional fields. What seems obvious to you may mean something entirely different to someone else.
The problem is that we often forget that we’re wearing these glasses (they’re, obviously, not visible). We assume that other people attach the same meaning to the words we use or the things we do. This assumption is a main reason for miscommunication and is often underestimated.
A friend of mine works in branding and proudly calls herself a brand specialist. However, many people come to her asking if she could help create a logo or colour palette designs. They associate ‘brand’ with the visual side only.
When we discussed this, I realised I had the same association, and only when asking further, I understood that it was way more than that. For her, “brand” meant identity, positioning, and strategy, which is far beyond visuals. For her clients, their default thought was design. Both sides were right, but they were talking about different things.
It made her reconsider her wording. Should she adapt her language? Or should she educate her clients on what ‘brand’ means in her profession? Probably a bit of both.
Words carry personal histories
Words themselves are rarely neutral. They carry your personal use, your culture’s traditions, and your professional jargon. My mom’s dots “…” had her own history, and the word “brand” had my friend’s professional meaning. Both assumed the other would interpret it the same way until they talked about it.
If we don’t ask, we increase the chance of miscommunication
We live in bubbles
The examples also show that we live in bubbles. Age groups, social circles, or national cultures all unconsciously create their own languages. And this happens in professional settings as well, where we call these words ‘jargon’.
Inside the bubble, it’s crystal clear. Outside, it can be confusing or misleading. What’s “obvious” for one group can be foreign, or even offensive, for another.
Three ways to prevent misunderstandings
So, we have to rethink all our words? No, that wouldn’t make any of our conversations fun, spontaneous or inspiring.
But it is good to be aware of it. It shows attention, humility, and care for clarity and will lead to less conflict and wasted energy. Here are three practices to see the world through someone else’s glasses, even if just for a moment.
1. Ask openly
Don’t assume right away. If you sense that a word may carry multiple meanings, or triggers an emotion with you, take a pause and simply ask: “What do you mean when you say XYZ?”
2. Notice your own glasses
Before reacting, check: am I hearing this through my own associations, or through theirs? And before speaking, be aware of the possible jargon you’re using that might not be immediately understood.
3. Reflect back
When not sure if you’re on the same page about an idea or within a conversation, rephrase what’s just been said in your own words and see if the other person confirms. “So, when you say ‘brand’, you mean more than design, right?”
Stay curious, asking is not a weakness
My biggest insight was realising that words aren’t fixed containers. They are flexible, personal, and shaped by context, and what feels obvious to me might mean something entirely different to you.
And even I am not always aware of that. That’s why a simple question like “What does this word mean to you?” doesn’t make you stupid, in your own language or in a foreign one. There’s a good chance you might even bring up something the other person hadn’t considered.
Every clarification is an opportunity to understand each other better, making the communication richer. Remember, it’s never unprofessional or stupid to ask for the meaning behind a word. On the contrary, it is a mark of respect and awareness.
